Faith, Truth and Honesty??

So for some reason or another I decided to go through all my old wedding albums and keepsakes. Well one would assume it would make me sad and want to cry my eyes out...HAHA all it did was make me angry. Make me so mad at the fact that the sanctity of marriage has never had a true meaning in my life. The hidden truths, the disrespect and the pressure of it all just made it all a marriage of convenience. Sure we loved, we laughed, we wanted to conquer the world together, but i am not sure it was ever real. it was all just a huge fantasy that was perceived as a amazing place to be. in all honesty how can you tell your spouse how badly you want to make things work and that you would never break them apart than the very next day go on a trip with another woman? really proves to you how badly he wants it to work right? My whole world went up in smoke and i never came out of the flame. i just let it get bigger and bigger until i ended up burning myself in the end. chance after chance to make it right, and yet it was never what i really wanted all along. i was just to damn scared to face the world on my own and find that i would only fail. but in the end it wasn't me failing in life, it was me failing myself and not living up to all i am and all i can be. it was letting the controlling hands of another inadvertently tell me what i could or could not do, how i could or could not live. from the outside it would never appear this way but when you step behind the walls of my mind, heart and soul that is all you see. guess i was just to blinded by the smoke smothering every inch of me to see fresh air that i needed to survive.......


I am so very grateful for whatever came into my life and rescued me from the dying traps of a world of grey.