BLAHBITY BLAHBITY BLAHBITY

Sheesh!! been way to long since i blogged!! Been super busy and trying to stay that way. I am finally alone in the house and although the first few days were a bit tough i am now enjoying every ounce of my alone time. Well cant say every ounce cause god knows that someone here to talk to or even just lay with would be very very amazing. But non the less i am free to talk on the phone when i want, to whom i want and not have to worry about someone standing over me. I have become very close to a very special person whose name i choose to keep to myself or those who know me just to keep the peace on his end of the spectrum. Lord knows who is able to read these blogs and seeing that his name is well known i don't want to cause waves for him...but anyway back to the point of this whole thing......i have so many things looking up for me right now and the feeling is beyond amazing. I cant even describe how amazing. I feel free, content, loved, appreciated, adored, and most of all i feel as if my life is finally going somewhere...and not just anywhere, where i want it to go. I hope with all my might that the things i am looking forward to come through and are not just toying with me. And this goes for many things in my life right now. I am trying with all my might to finally get this whole photography thing going and so far so good. I am although a little frightened by the fact that i am still very armature and hope i can fulfill the job soon to be done. I know i have the potential but these boys have dealt with some amazing photographers!!! EEEEEEK. I know i am good and i know i have every potential to get the job done in a very appealing way, just pray i don't freeze up and get bad shots. I have amazing support through it though and i am sure i will be pushed to the max to capture some great stuff.

So aside from all that blabbing, i am beginning to see the brighter side of life thanks to the help of some wonderful people. The curse that has blistered my soul seems to be healing very nicely. Yes some days are harder than others, but it is more due to the fact that i don't understand how i got where i am. At this point though, does it really matter? NO! God led me here and will only lead me where i am supposed to be. he has already led me into a very peaceful and truly mind blowing place just in the last 4 weeks. Although some aspects of where I am at right now seem to be hard to understand and at times a bit stressful, i truly feel that it will all come together and turn into something quite enduring.

I have been able to get to know someone who understands me as best he can, and who can truly make me laugh and smile which has not happened in YEARS!!! No this is not some kind of sexual based love romance, it is a true growing friendship and a firm understanding of one another feelings, hopes and desires. If it becomes more than that, it is a huge added bonus, but to just have this person in my life, and to be able to talk, laugh or cry if need be has brought so much peace into my heart. I am truly blessed. I have my 3 girls in my life who have been so unbelievable and to have added this is just truly surreal.

yeah i know I'm just going on and on and on about nothing really, but i feel the need (well guess that is what blogs are for) to talk about it. eh whatever...hahahha....I am happy and content right now and i hope it sticks this way. i never thought i would be where i am right now, and i am so grateful for all that brought me here. all the pain that i have encountered has served as nothing more than a learning block. i wouldn't take any of the past away. it has only made me stronger and taught me the ropes of life. i have said it before and will continue to say it over and over.......life is a winding road, it is the path we chose who makes us who we are!!!!

off for now!!